Sunday, April 28, 2013

Frenchy's Follies... Crazy kids! Out of the mouths of babes...

As a mom, I can tell you that I have been absolutely stunned silent by some of the crazy and outlandish questions my two boys have asked me. I mean, where do they come up with this stuff? No worries! From now on you will never be put on the spot by those little rascals again!

"Mommy, why don't you stand up to pee like I do?"

This one *may* call for a live, peeing-standing-up demo, momma. Trust me, no matter what their age, they will instantly understand why we sit down to pee.

"Who is God? Why can't we see him? Where does God live? What is heaven?"

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go directly to the nearest church, drop off the brats and pick them back up in a few days. Viola! Problem solved!



"Why does my pee pee get big sometimes?"

Ummmmm, parents beware! There is no good answer to this question. Just make up some crazy ass reason so they won't want to touch it again until puberty.

"Do you have to pay to go to work?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! Next question....

"Why is there hair growing on your privates?"

Duh! So it makes them harder to find. Kinda like an adult version of hide and seek, kiddo.

(Usually yelled loudly in public) "Why is that person so oldfatshortugly?"

DO NOT ANSWER THIS QUESTION! Just slowly walk away and whisper to the person "Whose kid is that anyway? He's a rude little bastard isn't he?"

"Why are you my mom?"

Because I pushed your 10 pound chunky little crying ass out of my teeny tiny vagina, that's why!

"Why don't girls have a pee pee?"

Your instinct tells you to make up some kind of scary shit... go with it! Tell them you had one and you cut it off and fed it to the dog. The look on their little face... PRICELESS!


"Why do we always pee when we poop, but we don't poop every time we pee?"

Go ahead and pre-print  the diagram of the sphincter muscle that I have provided. This question comes from left field and will totally catch you off guard. Afterwards, be prepared for a nasty-gram from the teacher who is wondering why the hell you taught your child the word "sphincter". It's such a fun little word for a first grader to say, isn't it?




When in church, during the offering, as you are putting your money into the basket.... "Why do we have to pay to see God?"

Good fucking question kid! <---- Am I right?!?! These kids are smarter than we think, I tell ya!

Whether you think I'm an idiot or a total genius for providing you with these very useful answers to you child's burning questions, I'm a total fucking genius. Hopefully you have realized that I'm joking and that I would never say these things to a kid. Under the age of 2, at least. I was going to write about something serious, but there are too many bad things going on in this world and it's depressing all of us. It was time for a break from all of that.

You're welcome.

A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." (courtesy of stargazersrealm.com)




















Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Frenchy's Follies... Battle of the Buldge


 I’ve always been heavy set. Even as a young girl I had chubby cheeks and a thick waist. My mom never really cooked too much and had absolutely no problem feeding me and my little sister fast food for every meal. She never ever monitored any of the food that we ate and always had kitchen cabinets FULL of junk food. I grew ginormous boobs at age 8, got my period at 9, and bad acne at 12. I was being joked for all of those things at school. As I became a teenager and my parents split up, I really started packing on the pounds.  I was becoming paranoid about it and had an especially hard time when we ate at my grandparents’ house every Sunday. My grandpa would make fat puffs-of-air-in-the-cheek faces and hold his arms out wide joking me behind everyone’s back. He would analyze every single bite of food I would put in my mouth, and talk about it in front of my whole family. It was embarrassing to say the least.  No one dared to tell him to stop because he was the “head of the family”. It made me feel like shit. There were a couple of times I called him out on what he was doing when he made those gestures and thankfully he stopped doing it. I managed to wean myself from junk food one year when I was in high school but I became so obsessed with losing weight that I was only eating saltines and I was down to 5 saltines a day. I was severely malnourished and when my friends realized what I was doing they threatened to tell my mom and they bought me lunch at school and forced me to eat it. I know what my problem was/is and I gained control over it (for the most part) about 9 years ago.

  I am a food addict.

 And I’m serious when I call myself an addict. I literally crave food like a drug. I get a “high” off of sweet and sugary things just like a coke-head gets off on snorting cocaine. When I’m sad, I want food for comfort. When I’m happy I want it for celebration. If there is any kind of pie, cake, donut, ice cream I binge and eat every bite of it in one sitting. It usually starts with me telling myself “I’ll just have a bite”. That very quickly turns into four of five more bites and then it gets to be more and more until it’s all gone. I mean like a dozen doughnuts gone. Or like an ENTIRE CAKE gone. It’s a weird vicious cycle of going in and out of the kitchen over and over. It’s like it calls my name! I cannot STOP once I start. I don’t purge, because thankfully I HATE to throw up. But I get very pissed at myself for binging and obsess about it for days and sometimes even weeks after I do it!

  My highest weight was 225 lbs. (I’m 5’8”), and I was a size 20! That was right before I turned 21 and the new weight loss drugs Fen-Phen and Redux were FDA approved. I asked my family doctor if he would prescribe me one of the drugs and he decided Redux would be the best fit for me. I dropped tons of weight and was really happy with the way I looked for the first time in my life! The drugs made me full of energy and never hungry.  A year later they pulled the drug off of the market because people were dying from taking it. They also found out that the drug could cause irreversible heart damage. I was more upset that I couldn’t take it anymore than worried about dying from it. I was involved in the Class Action Lawsuit for both of the drugs and was sent to a Cardiologist to see if it had affected my heart and I was in the clear, thankfully. After stopping the drug, I steadily gained all of the weight that I had lost back. I stayed heavy for about 8 years after that. About a year before I got pregnant with my first born, I knew that if I wanted to start a family I needed to lose weight. I was starting to cook for myself and my husband and was having luck with some of the healthier recipes. I knew that if I put on 40 pregnancy pounds ON TOP of how heavy I already was that I would be miserable and never lose the baby weight. So I set a goal for myself and started a weight loss program to get my eating and portion sizes under control. I did that for about 9 weeks and lost 20 pounds! I then started cooking healthy transitioning to regular food and continued to set small goals for myself. I made Sundays a “cheat day” so I wouldn’t feel completely deprived of the things I loved. I realized this couldn’t be called a “diet” very early on. I had to start a new way of “life”. This was the only way I could ever take the weight off and keep it off for good. I then had my two baby boys and both times managed to slowly lose the pregnancy weight and get back into my “skinny” clothes (size 12, which isn’t even considered skinny in this day and age!)

 Currently I am having a new battle with my food addiction. I have moved into a new home that needed a major kitchen renovation and I am just now unpacking my dishes and pots and pans. For almost two months I have been living off of frozen meals and fast food. Although my choices have been smart, like grilled chicken sandwiches and side salads instead of fries, I have still cheated more in these couple months than ever and I have gained 7 pounds because of it. Just last night we had our first healthy meal at the new house and I’m trying to get back on track. But I’m having a REALLY hard time. The sad thing for me is that I gain weight very quickly and it’s really hard for me to lose it once I gain it. I can’t really do a lot of exercising because of my back being so messed up (you can read about my back problem here) I’m honestly scared to exercise and screw something up in there with all of that metal holding me together! Walking is about the only form of exercise that doesn’t end up causing my back to lock up.

 Whenever I run into people that I haven’t seen in a long time they always make such a big deal over how much better I look (which actually makes me feel like shit, I mean, I guess I looked pretty fucking awful for all of those “fat” years!) and they want to know my secret. So I thought I would share it with you guys.

 The secret is to treat it like any other addiction. You are constantly fighting the battle. Every day. Every meal. You have to consciously say NO to the bad for you foods and YES to the healthy ones. And you have to stick to that every single day for the rest of your life. You have to be really careful not to fall off the wagon, so to speak. Just like with alcoholics, it can only take one bite of something to send me spiraling back into my crazy food addiction. A “diet” means that you get onto a program that you will eventually get back off of. This is no DIET. This is a new way of life for me that I will have to consciously live, forever thinking about what food I put into my mouth. A great support system or a friend wanting to make this life changing decision with you is a great way to keep on track. And no matter how many times you cheat, don’t give up! You can always start fresh the next day eating your regular healthy foods. If you choose to change your life you may not see results for weeks and no one may even notice your weight loss for months, but KEEP THAT LIFESTYLE CHANGE UP! You won’t regret it when you see what an impact it will make on your life for the better. I’m glad I changed my life and I’m back on track now and I WILL LOSE THOSE 7 POUNDS DAMN IT!

 

 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Rizzo's Ramblings...My adventures in Redneckistan

As promised, here is a look into my life in a small town filled with ignorant people. As some of you who read the blog know, my daughter was diagnosed a type 1 diabetic a few years ago. (If you are not familiar with that story, you can play catch up here.) Last Thursday I received a letter in the mail recalling her insulin pump. On Friday morning I called her doctor's office to let them know her pump had been recalled, and to request a prescription for syringes as well as the information needed to calculate and give her the correct does of insulin. Taking care of type 1 diabetes is detail oriented and involves quite a bit of math. I will try to explain it as best I can so that you can understand the story I am about to tell. When a diabetic (please keep in mind that I am referring to type 1. I have no experience with type 2, and it is a whole different ballgame) wakes up the first thing they have to do is check their blood sugar. Normal range varies for everyone, but for my daughter anything between 70 and 150 means she does not need any insulin. If she decides to eat, however, then she has to count the number of carbs she will be consuming and calculate how many units of insulin she will need to "cover" those carbs. Her carb to insulin ratio is 7 grams of carbohydrates to 1 unit of insulin. So, if my daughter were to eat 14 grams of carbs, then she would have to inject 2 units of insulin. That is, as long as her blood sugar was somewhere between 70 and 150. If, for some reason, her blood sugar is higher than 150, then she has to inject extra insulin to bring her blood sugar down to within the "normal" range. This is calculated by a sliding scale. All sliding scales are based on each individual. When a diabetic is on an insulin pump the doctor programs the pump with all this information and all the diabetic has to do is put in the number of carbs they will be consuming along with their blood sugar and the pump will calculate it all for them and give the correct amount of insulin. So, on Friday morning when I called the doctor for syringes, I also had to ask for a sliding scale. I called the doctor at 10AM. By 3PM I had not received a phone call back from the doctor, and the pharmacy had not received a prescription for syringes. I called the doctor's office back. I was assured that the message had been passed on to the nurse practitioner and that all would be taken care of before the end of the day. AT 4:57PM I still had not heard anything and so I called once again. This time I was on hold for a few minutes when a nurse (I have never spoken to before) came on the line and informed me that the nurse practitioner who was supposed to be taking care of this for me had went home for the weekend! Keep in mind that I had received a letter in the mail recalling my daughters insulin pump because it could, at any time, give her a dose of insulin that could cause serious injury or death. The nurse that I was speaking with saw the importance of getting my daughter off the pump and was happy to call in the syringes, but could not tell me what sliding scale to use because she was not familiar with my daughters case. I still had the sliding scale that we were given three years ago when my daughter was diagnosed and so the nurse and I agreed that anything would be better than risking keeping her on the pump. The sliding scale that I have is in increments of 60. So if my daughters sugar is between 150 and 210 she gets an extra unit of insulin on top of what she eats. If it is from 211 to 270 then she gets 2 units. This continues to increase by 60 with each added 60 being another 1 unit of insulin until she reaches 5 units. On Monday I kept my daughter home from school just to make sure that she was going to continue to do well on the shots. I also wanted to hear from the doctor's office to see if they were going to make any changes. I did receive a call from them, but it was only to ask me what scale I was using and to ask me when we would be getting the pump back. I didn't really understand that question because I am not the pump manufacturer and I do not repair them. Tuesday morning I went with my daughter to the school to explain to the school nurse what had happened and to give her the syringes and dosing information she would need to make sure that my daughter got the insulin required. At this point, the school nurse informed me that without written and signed doctors orders she could not allow my daughter to have insulin injections. This school nurse is well aware that my daughter is a diabetic. She has seen my daughter everyday at lunchtime and insists on helping her to program her pump even though my daughter is 14 and has been on a pump for 2 and a half years. This nurse is well aware that the only thing keeping my daughter alive is insulin. So, I told the nurse that I would not be able to leave my daughter at school knowing that they would not allow her to have insulin. I then asked if it would be an excused absence since the school was the one with holding my daughters medication. The nurse told me I would have to speak with the principal about that. So, I went to the principal and asked her if it would be an excused absence and the principal told me that I would need a doctor's excuse because I had failed to get the doctor to fax in the proper paperwork to the school in a timely fashion. SO, I took my daughter home and immediately called the doctor's office and requested that they fax in the orders to the school as well as doctor's excuses for Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday afternoon at 3:15PM the school nurse called me to say that the doctor's office had, in fact, faxed in the orders but that instead of writing out a detailed sliding scale they wrote 1 unit/60 >150. That means 1 unit for every 60 points greater than 150, which is the sliding scale that I had written out in detail for the nurse and given to her just that very same morning. The nurse informed me that she could not accept that from the doctor and until she got a detailed scale faxed into her office she could still not give my child her insulin. She then went on to say that if I chose not to send my daughter in to school on Wednesday (today) I would have to talk to the school principal about getting it excused. That is when I informed the school nurse that I really didn't care if the absence was excused or not. I really had no choice in the matter because if they were not going to allow her insulin then I was not going to allow her to attend. I made it clear to that nurse that as far as I was concerned she had a doctors order and with holding my daughters insulin, should I choose to send her, would be a crime.  THAT is what I have been dealing with the past few days! So, you will have to understand when I rant and rave about people's ignorance and having to live in Redneckistan.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Rizzo's Ramblings... The wonders (and horrors) of Facebook and other social media

I have had a Facebook account for years. I have had an account since the people who made it were automatically your friends; when Myspace was THE place to be. In the beginning, it seemed like Facebook was being used for people to connect with (or stay connected to) family and friends who were far away or whom they had not seen since high school. That is still what I primarily use it for to this day. Over the years it seems like it has become a place for society to judge people. Rather harshly, I might add. People put a lot of private information or pictures on Facebook for their friends and relatives to see.If they don't have privacy settings set a certain way all that information becomes public. There are a lot of teenagers (mine included) using social media today. Some of these kids have no qualms about posting embarrassing pictures or videos of themselves or others because they think it is funny. They don't mind posting that they got suspended from school for fighting or cursing at a teacher. They don't mind going on someone's wall and telling them what an awful person they are, or that they don't have any friends, or enough money. There have been a lot of reports of children harming or killing themselves due to bullying that has happened on social media sites. There is a name who comes to mind when I say this. Amanda Todd. She posted a video on YouTube telling about how she posted nude pictures of herself to someone and they were leaked to her family and friends. Then the kids at school started bullying her. She tried to move. She tried counseling. She tried a number of things (including this video) to get help. She ended up killing herself. At some point she drank bleach. I, personally, have seen children (who go to school with MY children) tell people to "go drink bleach". I always wonder what their parents think. I know their parents have a Facebook account, because they are my "Facebook friends". I wonder if they are "friends" with their children on Facebook  I wonder if they even go look at their kids' walls. I always want to make a comment on those kids' pages or their parents pages saying "Are you kidding me?", but I don't. Mostly because I am a coward. I am not a very social person, and I don't hide the fact that I don't go along with the crowd, so many of the moms around here do not have a very high opinion of me. Which transfers to my children. Especially my daughter because she is just like me. She stands up for the underdog and she is not afraid to tell someone they are being an ass even if the person she is telling is the most popular kid at school. I am proud of my daughter for standing up for people, but I constantly worry about how she is treated by these kids. If their parents allow them to say things like "go drink bleach" on Facebook  can you imagine what they say at school when their parents aren't around? Some of you will say that there are teachers and faculty at the school to handle things, but we live in a small town and the adults have the same mentality as the middle schoolers as far as friends and cliques and popularity goes. It is kind of disturbing. The whole point of this blog is to discuss what I saw on Facebook this morning There is a new page. "Tag Someone Who" is the name of the page. They post a meme and in the comments they want you to tag some who relates to the meme. Here are a few of the ones I saw this morning. "Tag someone who will never get laid". "Tag someone who eats like this" (With a picture of someone shoveling food into their mouth)  "Tag someone who thinks they got swag" "Tag someone who has been raped by a sloth". SO on and so on. I am REALLY disturbed by this. Being a teenager was so hard without all the social media, internets, etc, I cannot imagine what it is like for kids today. Why is it necessary for them to make it so much harder? What happened to building each other up and helping each other out? What happened to being there for one another? Thankfully, I have made some REAL "Facebook friends" whom I have never met, but feel a kinship to. These women are funny and kind and empathetic and sympathetic and honest about their struggles. They are non judgmental. They have a kind word for everyone. They try to help people. They use what they have been through in their lives to lead the way. They are a light shining in the darkness. THAT is what social media should be used for. THAT is what we need to be teaching our children! SO, with that being said I am going to ask YOU, as responsible adults, to REPORT these pages that promote bullying and judging of others. It is OUR job to protect our children. It is OUR job to police the social media they are using. I am not asking you to scold the children that are using these pages to be mean to others. That is for their parents to do. I am asking you to help take down the pages that promote such things. If we take a stand against it, then maybe we can make a difference. I am sure Facebook is not the only place where it is possible. However, I do not use any other social media sites and have no idea how they work. I DO promise that, if you tell me what to do, I will sign up for them all and help take a stand on them as well. It is time that we try to create a place of peace for our children. It is time that we begin teaching love and acceptance again.. It is time that we take the power away from those who would wield it to hurt others, and put it in the hands of those who would use it to help. It is time for a Facebook revolution. Who is with me?
                                                                  This is what MY daughter posts... What about yours?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Frenchy... on Gun Control


Please don’t judge me.

Open your heart and mind. Just simply UNDERSTAND another human being.

If you don’t agree with me, that’s acceptable. I’m not trying to change your mind. And you won’t change mine either. AND PEOPLE, THAT’S OK!

 Riz and I feel differently about many things. We don't see eye to eye with politics and we totally disagree on most issues. But what's cool about us is that we have a mutual RESPECT and LOVE for each other that surpasses all of this. All of this HATE. We both wish that everyone could enjoy the absolute fucking AWESOMENESS that we have. We can have a disagreeable conversation with total admiration for what the other person stands for. There is only one reason this works. ONLY ONE.

It’s called EDUCATION. We are both extremely knowledgeable about current political issues. We have spent hours upon hours of researching. We know our shit. We have REASONS to feel the way we do and they are real and legitimate and they aren’t based on campaign lies.

Gun control is back in the news again. The support for tougher laws is waning. I’m pretty sure that you won’t find many people that will argue against universal background checks. Clearly we need more funds for security in schools and to treat mental illnesses that cause people to kill. No one has forgotten those children in Newtown, Mr. President. Don’t you think that it’s slightly fucked up that our president is implying that we have forgotten those precious children because his gun proposals aren’t getting the attention he wants? I’m super offended by his shaming! If I could say one thing to him it would be “Don’t you dare use those kids as a pawn in your gun agenda!”

Did you ever think that maybe it was the "crazy" that killed those children? Not the
"gun"?

Just like a "criminal" robs a store, not a "black, white, or brown guy"?

It takes a sick person to harm or kill someone. Normal, average people own guns for protection, and they kill criminals that enter their home and threaten their families. Some people collect guns as a hobby. Some hunt with them for food. Killers that don’t have guns, guess what people? THEY STILL KILL! They use knifes, chainsaws, rope, AIRPLANES (9-11), poison… must I go on? I keep hearing the same thing over and over about how “fewer children would have died” at Sandy Hook if guns were regulated more. I don’t believe that. Adam Lanza would have held those kids hostage and killed every one of them.  Because a killer is a KILLER. Take away the guns and guess what? Crimes still happen. What about Steubenville? No guns there! Meredith Kercher, the beautiful young woman who was murdered in Italy in which Amanda Knox is accused, she was CUT AND STABBED. Would she be any more dead now if she was killed by a gun?

I want to share a gun quote I saw when doing my research. This will totally get your panties in a bunch. PLEASE, just think about it.

"People tell me I don't need an AR-15. My answer is I don't need one any more than Rosa Parks needed to sit in the front of the bus”

She wanted to sit in the front. She didn’t NEED to. She would still get to her destination no matter where she sat. But it was her right as a human being living in America to sit where ever she damn well pleased. And it’s my right as an American to own a gun.

I’m not racist so get that fucked up thought right out of your head. But do you know our Bill of Rights? I’ve read it over and over recently and you should too. The right to have and bear arms is just as important as freedom of religion. Now let this one soak in for a second….

We didn't take away Muslims right to worship in America because Muslims took down the Twin Towers.  

Read that again. We didn't take away Muslims rights to worship in America because Muslims took down the Twin Towers.

Now, ask yourself this question.

Why then would we ban high capacity clips and assault rifles because a psycho killed children?

Taking away our rights as gun owners is like limiting the time for church services. STOP JUDGING AND READ THESE TWO STATEMENTS BELOW.

The right to have and bear arms… BUT only if it’s not an assault rifle and you only have 10 bullets.

Freedom of religion… BUT only if you aren’t Baptist and you only worship for 20 minutes each Sunday.

See what I did there?

The fact that you could care less about my rights as a gun owner isn’t the point. The point here is that these two statements above are EQUAL IN EXAMPLE. If we start allowing our government to control and change these rights that we were given WHERE WILL THEY STOP?

Speaking of equal, we all are. And that is why gay people should be allowed to get married. Not allowing them to is actually ridiculously against what America stands for. Present times do warrant change. But changing the laws on gay marriage is still staying within the confines of our Constitution and our Civil Rights as Americans. We aren’t TAKING AWAY ANYTHING. We are GIVING. Don’t compare the two things because they are undeniably different.

Stop shit talking the people that don’t agree with your stance on debatable issues. Tell me how your verbal abuse and name calling is any different from the words coming out of the mouths of the people that think that the Steubenville girl “got what she deserved” when she was brutally raped. Seriously. JUST LISTEN. Respect them for standing up for what they believe. Applaud them when they know the true facts that they base their opinions on. Be proud that someone KNEW WHY they voted for their presidential candidate, and didn’t vote based on some totally dumb ass uneducated reason.

My only hope as you leave this blog-debate that I challenged Riz to, is that you respect us for sharing our point of view. I have no clue what her blog will be like but I do know one thing. She is a smart, beautiful woman who knows her shit and I’ll listen to her side any damn day of the week. I am so PROUD of her. She can hug every goddamn tree in America and I’ll follow her around take the fucking pictures to prove it to you!

If you could do me one favor and share BOTH of our blogs about gun control, you will certainly win an award for being a TOTAL BRAVE BAD ASS, and true bad assery is hard to come by these days.

Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. I will return the favor with the utmost respect for your beliefs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, March 29, 2013

Rizzo's Gun Debate


Before I get into my discussion about gun laws and why they should be altered to make this country a safer place, I want you all to know that I am in no means a fanatic. I own a gun. It was given to me by my brother for protection, and it is in my top dresser drawer with ammunition should the need arise to shoot someone. Do not think for one instant that I would NOT shoot someone who entered my home illegally and threatened to harm myself, or my family. It is a small caliber (.25 I think) pistol with a 9 round clip. I don’t know enough about it to tell you whether it is a semi-automatic or automatic, but I DO know it does NOT have to be “cocked” before every fire.  That being said, I do NOT carry this gun around on my hip (legally, in the state of Virginia, I can without a permit) and I have never fired it. Not even to see if the aim is off.  I do not believe that guns should be completely outlawed like they are in Britain. I DO think this country has a long way to go as far as gun laws are concerned. Let’s look at the second amendment. It states:          A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.  By well regulated they mean capably trained. Regulated, back then, did not mean to be encumbered by laws or government. SO we will reword this. A well trained militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.
 First, I want to talk about why this may or may not have been important to add as an amendment to our constitution. Let’s look at what had recently transpired in our country. We, as a country, had just won our revolution from Britain. One of the most important factors in that war was our militiamen. Private citizens who were armed and formed a militia to fight against the British. Most of these militiamen had fought against the indians, or their fathers, brothers, or uncles had. They were well trained. Also, I am sure that, being a new country with a new constitution (which we know some people did not agree with) there were some people who were afraid of government tyranny. What better way to guard against it than to amend the constitution to say to the government that the people could and would rise up if they were being oppressed.  Now, today, I cannot say that this is a valid argument. Most private citizens are not well trained when it comes to using the tools of war. If there were to be an uprising today, it would take one of our major branches of military to lead the charge because we are just not capable of fighting against them. Our military is equipped with state of the art weapons like unmanned drones, tanks, tactical gear, and the government has nukes for crying out loud. There is no way an army of private citizens could rise up and think that they could stand a chance against our government if our branches of military were on their side. SO, in my opinion, that in itself makes void the argument that private citizens need machine guns with 30 round clips in case they ever needed to rise up against oppression. The argument is, a lot of the time, if the government has it then we should have it too. It is our right to protect ourselves from the tyranny that government can sometimes become. I say – good luck getting the uranium and plutonium to arm yourself with the nuclear devices our government has access to. It is not going to happen, and if it does, you won’t have to worry about fighting in a war because you will be in some prison under the ground somewhere for terrorism.
 Another popular argument is for the hunter. They need their guns so that they can go out and kill deer, squirrels, bears, birds, ad nauseum.  I know quite a few people who hunt. Some for sport, and some because they actually feed their families that way. I would NEVER want to take away their guns. I WOULD want to regulate what guns they are using for hunting. The last time I heard, if you had to use an AK47 to kill a deer, then you are doing it wrong. How did people feed themselves and protect themselves from bears before these guns were manufactured? They are just not necessary. So, the hunter’s argument is gone.  Keep your rifles, your pistols, and your shotguns. Keep your scopes and your 10 or 12 round clips. Give back the assault rifles and machine guns, because you just do not need them.
 There are some people who would say that we are Americans. This country was founded on freedom. It is and should be our right to have any gun we want. For this argument, we are going to look into some of the massacres that have occurred over the past couple of decades, and some of the laws and regulations that go into purchasing a gun. In 1999, in Colorado, two teenage boys walked into their high school armed and killed 13 people, injuring 24. It took about 49 minutes from when they began to when they killed themselves.  In 2007 a Virginia man entered his college campus and killed 32 people, injuring 17. It happened in two separate incidents over a two hour period. In 2012, a man entered a theater in Colorado and opened fire killing 12 people and injuring 58 in a 15 minute time period. In 2012, a young man entered an elementary school where he butchered 26 people (20 of them under 8 years old) in less than five minutes. In more than one of these cases it was later found that the perpetrator had a history of mental illness. They were all Americans living with the same freedoms that we all are afforded. So, if we use this last argument, they all should have been allowed to have those guns. I just cannot get on board with that.
 Let’s take a look at what goes into a mental health check when purchasing a gun. Keep in mind that all of the background and mental health checks can be avoided by buying through a private citizen! (It has been estimated that private sales provide for 40% of gun transactions) First, the buyer fills out a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) Form 4473 by hand, providing simple yes or no answers to a series of questions about criminal, mental health and substance abuse history. The dealer then queries the National Instant Criminal Background Check System (NICS) database maintained by the FBI via a toll-free telephone number or through the NICS E-Check System online (in a handful of states the dealer contacts the state police who in turn contact NICS). This instant computer check searches the NICS database for any disqualifying records that would prohibit that individual from buying a gun. During the check, the system does not disclose to gun dealers any actual information about these records. Dealers are simply seeing one of three responses from NICS on their computer screen: proceed, denied or delayed. The specific disqualifications related to mental health are quite narrow. Under federal law, an individual is prohibited from buying or possessing firearms if they have been “adjudicated as a mental defective” or “committed to a mental institution.” A person is “adjudicated as a mental defective” if a court — or other entity having legal authority to make adjudications — has made a determination that an individual, as a result of mental illness: 1) Is a danger to himself or to others; 2) Lacks the mental capacity to contract or manage his own affairs; 3) Is found insane by a court in a criminal case, or incompetent to stand trial, or not guilty by reason of lack of mental responsibility pursuant to the Uniform Code of Military Justice. . A person is “committed to a mental institution” if that person has been involuntarily committed to a mental institution by a court or other lawful authority. This expressly excludes voluntary commitment. There is no guarantee, however, that a formal record of adjudication or involuntary commitment will find its way into the NICS database. Often disqualifying mental health records go unreported by the states. In Colorado, for example, only about 1% of people who have disqualifying mental health histories have been reported to NICS.
Another problem is that few Americans suffering from serious mental illness ever come into contact  with the “system” or receive treatment for their condition(s). According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), approximately 10% of children and adolescents suffer from mental illnesses. Yet only 20% of this group have been diagnosed and are receiving services. Looking at adults, approximately 1 in 17 live with a serious mental disorder such as schizophrenia, major depression, or bipolar disorder. Yet less than one third receive mental health services.  
 So you see, unless you have been involuntarily committed, or judged to be mentally unstable by a legal entity, you can purchase a gun! If you are one of the thousands of people without health insurance and you have mental instability, but cannot afford to go to a doctor, your gun rights are safe! The man who committed the shooting in the theater in Colorado actually gave his therapist a notebook detailing how he was going to do it before he did it. He had been diagnosed as schizophrenic He had no business buying, operating, or being allowed in a home with guns! If you are convicted of a felony in this country, no matter if it is a violent one or not, you are not allowed to occupy the same home or vehicle that any gun occupies. It is an automatic 5 years in prison. If you are a felon and you get out of jail or prison and have to move in with your parents who are NOT felons they have to get rid of their guns. However, if you are mentally unstable, you can be around all the guns you like. This needs to change. I also think that people who are on high doses of medications that cause serious side effects, or are used to control mental stability should not be allowed to be around guns. If you are so nervous that you have to take more than a 1 mg bedtime dose of Klonopin, Xanax, or Ativan then you do not need a gun! I know, because I have been there. I have panic attacks. I was prescribed 1 mg of Klonopin 4 times a day to help me deal with my anxiety. I was a zombie! I am not saying that I could not function on a day to day basis. I am not saying that I did not know what was going on around me. I am saying that I should not have been allowed to purchase a gun while on that medication! It alters your decision making abilities. If your medication has a sticker on it that says you can’t drive a car, then you should not be able to buy a gun! There are plenty of people ( myself included) who have minor problems (such as panic attacks) and find other ways of dealing with them, such as meditation or yoga. Once the medication has been stopped, and you are cleared by a physician then perhaps you could own a gun. I also think we need to start holding these mental health doctors liable for their patients whom they do not report as being possibly dangerous. Before you go off about costs and insurance let me tell you that I am a bleeding heart liberal and I believe that everyone in this country should be able to have the same health care benefits our government receives at the same cost they pay for it! I also think that the mental health system in this country needs to be changed. There are more and more people developing anxiety and depression problems because of stress and pressure brought on by their employment (or lack of) and the stigma of seeing a psychiatrist needs to be removed. More insurances should pay for more mental health services.  I could go on and on. The mental health background checks will do no real good until people start receiving the help they need.

 In conclusion, let me say that I do not think guns should be banned. As I stated in the beginning, I own one. I would shoot an intruder without a second thought. I do think that regulations need to be put into place to take the assault rifles and huge clips off the market. I think we should go back to owning normal rifles and handguns. I believe that mental health and its lack thereof plays a huge role in these massacres that keep happening more and more often. I believe that if you want to carry a gun anywhere outside your home that you should have to be licensed, and that you should have to take more than just a couple hour safety class. I believe that if you own a gun, yearly mental health checks should be required. If you own a gun you should have to recertify for that license just like you do to drive. It should be annual. I think that if the two sides could sit down and come to a compromise using common sense that this would not be an issue. I don’t want to take away your freedom, but I do not want to have to live in fear that an unbalanced kid will show up at school one day with a gun. None of the victims ever thought it would happen to them. None of the perpetrators families ever thought they would do what they did. Until it was too late.
*Please remember when you discuss the 2nd amendment that it was written in the 1790’s. This illustration shows the difference between guns then, and guns today.

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Sunday, March 24, 2013

Frenchy's Foliies... Celebrity Obsession

I have an entire cart full of groceries. The ice cream is melting from the indecisiveness of my youngest son. Does he want strawberries? Apples? Grapes? I grab the strawberries and make a b-line for my very very favorite part of going to the grocery store. The tabloid magazines! The more unbelievable stories on the front cover, the better. I grab the juiciest one and flip through the pages. I tune out my boy whining, the people around me. Who gives a shit if the ice cream melts? I want to know if Jennifer is finally pregnant and if Kim faked her reality show for ratings!!!

Yes, you know who I'm talking about don't you? I'm on a first name basis with these people. They are a part of my everyday life. I look to them to find out what will be "in" this spring. I want need to know who they are dating. I'm happy for them when they get married. I'm sad when they split up.

You may not be aware that there is an actual psychological illness called "Celebrity Worship Syndrome". It really does exist! It's defined as "an obsessive-addictive disorder in which a person becomes overly involved with the details of a celebrity's personal life" (Thank you Wikipedia!) So what on earth makes us so consumed with these people?

 They are beautiful...duh! Celebrities always look fresh, wide-eyed and have remarkably smooth skin. They never look tired or old. This is called Photoshop, my friends! If you have ever seen the "before and after" Photoshop pictures, you know why they look flawless. Every wrinkle is magically erased. The zits and eye bags are zapped away. They whittle away their waists, thighs and upper arms. If only we could do this in real life, damn it!

                                                 It's Britney, bitch! Minus some pounds. Photo from The Chive

Every company on earth is sending these people hair and skin products in the hopes of them mentioning it and garnering a free celebrity endorsement. The top clothing and shoe designers are sending their fashions as well. When Britney wears Uggs new boots while being attacked by the paparazzi at Starbucks...BAM! A multi million dollar advertising campaign in the tabloids for the mere price of what it cost to make one pair of those big fuzzy boots.

Let's not forget how much money these people have too. They can hire nutritionists, trainers, hair stylists, makeup artists, and personal assistants to make sure they look their very best every time they step out of their Bentley.

 The Great Escape... Yep. I'm going there. What better way to forget your troubles than by getting obsessed with someone elses? No woman can honestly say they have not done this at one time or another. Poor Angelina has all the kids while Brad's away. Lindsay is in jail...AGAIN! Their fuck ups and drama is a total distraction from everything going on in the real world. I've caught myself leading such a boring life at times that I call my friends to announce the latest celebrity break-up or pregnancy. How lame is that??

The drama entices... We are all waiting with baited breath for the next chapter in the saga. Each tabloid leaves you with a "to be continued..."  type feeling. What will happen next? Whatever it is, it probably isn't even true. A celebrity publicist is always in the background making sure that a grand 'ol puppet show happens every chance they get. They make sure that the decisions their famous clients make get lots and lots of attention. I can just imagine them saying, "Take your engagement ring off and look like you have been crying" or "Walk down Rodeo Drive with another man while your husband is out of town". I think a lot of that shit is staged. And you know damn well that these "reality" shows are not real, they do retakes of a lot of the scenes because these dumb ass nobodies that became somebodies think they didn't reACT properly. You don't get a redo in real life, honey!

Sometimes I do feel sorry for famous people.  I have a friend who made it into the "spotlight" so to speak. I was with her every step of the way and let me tell you, it was no walk in the park. Her 15 minutes felt like an eternity. Phone call after phone call for interviews. Always having to pretend like she was ridiculously happy. People watching what she was doing. Having to look flawless just in case she needed to be on camera. Offers for services, clothes, and other items for endorsement. So many choices that it would make your head spin! Waking up early and going all day to make sure to get all the events/appointments in. It was exhausting. It wasn't even for that long. I could not even IMAGINE living life at that pace every single day. No way. Living out of a suitcase in hotels and airplanes, no thank you. People fighting to get your picture and being recognized everywhere you go, screw that.

 They can have their fortune and fame. I'll keep my yoga pants, zits, and thunder thighs. Now gimme that hot off the press Star magazine, bitch! And pass the bon bons.